think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
