Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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