doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
