In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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