i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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