I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
