Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
