what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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