I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
