all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
