my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
