I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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