You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
