Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
