ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
