I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
