it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
