i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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