I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
