He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize