I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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