weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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