I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
