Pappa wants mamma naked
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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