You can't special order awesome
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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