false alarm. still invincible.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
