i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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