Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
