I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
