Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
where are you?
Hypothermia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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