I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
