Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
