This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
