dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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