You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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