i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
