Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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