My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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