I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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