just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
