you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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