I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
