Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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