i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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