You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Acid is not a monday night drug
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
