You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize