After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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