Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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