if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
