So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
