Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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