Only a mothe r could love this liver
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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