I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
