and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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