remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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