They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
