oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
