please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
