I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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