So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
