look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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