I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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